Welcome

Guest

to Ivory Garden Dissociative Identity Disorder Support Group and Chat

Log in

I forgot my password

Welcome to Ivory Garden DID Support Forum


Welcome Guests to Ivory Garden DID Support Forum

Come on in and take a look around.


Ivory Garden Dissociative Identity Disorder Group
is a private community.

Please Apply.

Visit site

Search Entire Site

Community Updates

Our Goal

OUR GOAL

To provide a unique environment where folks who have experienced trauma can openly and safely talk. We strive to respect, validate, and learn from each other.

ACHIEVING OUR GOAL

Achieving our goal requires cooperative collaboration amongst members and staff. Members posts remain appropriate and relevant to topics. Terms of Service are clearly posted to help members maintain the dignity of the board. Members of this group are at a stage in their healing to independently regulate their own behavior, as well as keeping themselves safe while on the forums. Staff regularly monitor posts and replies to ensure the board remains a safe and comfortable environment of learning for everyone.

As a friendly and kind community, we validate each other as equally special and significant.

These forums are active and the community not too large or too small - about 400 post per day. There are many forums on different topics. The topics range in subject matter also. You are welcome to interact as you feel comfortable.

This is a safe place for members. We encourage building coping skills, learning from each other and material shared. We discourage sharing explicit memories of past abuse. We feel that processing memories be done with professionals. There are no practicing therapists on these forums. Therefore, topics that call for therapist type responses are discouraged.

Feel free to look around. Realize that, as a guest, your view of the forums is minimal. These forums are otherwise private to the public view and/or search engines.

We have literally hundreds of articles and provide workshops for everyone. Please feel free to email me anytime with questions. I am also providing a tutorial that should help with navigating our site.

The very best to you,
Felicity Lee
"owner"
felicity4us2@gmail.com

  • Post new topic
  • Reply to topic

Should I let it go

Share
avatar
Guest
Guest

Should I let it go

Post by Guest on 11/5/2012, 10:42 am

I am in a relationship with someone I love. I try to stray away from getting involved with people because certain things can easily trigger me lapse. Lately I have been blacking out, feel confused, he's accused me of things that I absolutely would not do and no matter how hard I try to remember I can't. We live together in my house and in the past it was always easy for me to change my number and end the relationship. I'm scared to tell him about my mental history because he may use it against me or don't know how he will react. I try to explain it to him but the words won't come out. I have been in abusive relationships and have kept so much bottled inside. I tried breaking it off with him many times but he won't leave me. At the same time he walks away when he deal with certain topics then come back as if it was never discussed. I laugh sometimes because I say we both have issues. Question is if the relationship triggers my DID is it best to leave the relationship alone and seek counseling?
avatar
weordmyndum
100+ Posts
100+ Posts

Re: Should I let it go

Post by weordmyndum on 11/5/2012, 10:51 am

Are you in individual therapy? This sounds like a complex issue where it would be helpful to have a T to help you work through it.

You could also look into couples counseling. It sounds like there are some big issues in the relationship that you're not able to talk about on your own.
avatar
Guest
Guest

Re: Should I let it go

Post by Guest on 11/5/2012, 11:14 am

I am not currently in therapy. Last time I had a private therapist I got stuck at King's County Mental Facility for weeks, almost lost my apartment, lost my job amongst other things. Long story. I never tried to commit suicide or was a threat to others. I signed myself in and did not display any weird behavior. She apologized when I got out and called it a misunderstanding. I am trying to seek an out patient clinic because I have 3 kids, a house and a business. Sometimes people need help but don't seek it because they fear what may happen in the long run. Yes I need counseling.

kkruty
5,000+ Posts
5,000+ Posts

Re: Should I let it go

Post by kkruty on 11/5/2012, 2:35 pm

Working with the right therapist is a life line to many of us. Sounds like you need that kind of life line. Couples therapy is something you and your SO need if you are going to stay together, although I'm not sure about that from your post.Look for a good and understanding T.
avatar
Guest
Guest

Re: Should I let it go

Post by Guest on 11/6/2012, 12:16 am

Hi Trixie,

I agree that the right therapist could be helpful to you in this difficult situation. I have had several therapists and when you find the right one it is so beneficial. Somebody to listen and help you work this through.
thinking of you.
avatar
Guest
Guest

Re: Should I let it go

Post by Guest on 12/4/2012, 4:55 pm

Even though i am quite a newbie here and a youngling i have been through my fair share of abusive relationships. Abusive in the sense that it emotionally and mentally draining and scarring. I believe back almost 2 years ago my DiD flourished to life due to this abuse. He was very manipulative and possesive..at the same time he would blame me for not giving him enough space!. We would bicker back and forth for days, it was that times x1002830 more other things that led me to my ultimatum which unfortunately was a suicide attempt.

Now, here in the future. I am with someone that is grasping the responsibility of not only taking care of me but x6 other people inside of me. He is the love of my life, and he shows me this by always talking to me about the alters and having activities with them as well as showing me individual love and affection.

Point of the story is, love should be a two way street not a one way. It sounds to me here that you are deeply afraid and threatned by him. No one should feel that way in a relationship, its time to end the abuse cycle for once. Leave him , loneliness is not weakness.

As for therapy, there is tons of non profit organizations and free mental health clinics for those who cannot afford it. I am currently attending a non profit clinic here in MA..they are wonderful.

Good luck! -Rosie
avatar
Guest
Guest

Re: Should I let it go

Post by Guest on 12/21/2012, 1:49 pm

Hey another new person but I had thoughts about your post. The first thing that strung to mind was that as people we are not a deficit however labels, attitudes and other peoples perception can make us feel this way. My advice is to believe deeply. Learn to believe that regardless of all else you are who you are. You don't need to take on another's description of you. Just your own and in that maybe you will know what to do. My ex made me out to be all these things I wasn't and now I am having to rely on my own core beliefs. It is exhausting, stressful and detrimental having to live against what is seen by many as societal norms. But if you have your own belief in self ( and a few others that also believe in you)there is always something to come back to. I don't know if you could relate to this. I just think that we sometimes leave ourselves to the mercy of what others think/ see in us, when really, we may not feel it or know it but we are our greatest strength. My thoughts.
avatar
Guest
Guest

Re: Should I let it go

Post by Guest on 3/3/2013, 10:36 pm

I really relate to your post. In my experience, I would get into relationships, they would turn negative, emotionally abusive, etc. and my alters would start coming out like mad and make a lot of waves. It wasn't until I got out of these relationships that I realized I never really wanted them in the first place, and it wasn't until I spent a lot of time alone that I realized my alters knew it was bad for me before I did and tried to drive these people away for me. I always thought I'm so messed up how should I complain, I should deal with other people's screwed up stuff too, and how would I expect anything different... but then I found someone who treats me really well, communicates with me, and is supportive of me. My alters still come out, but it isn't hostile towards him. We still have squabbles, but not fights.

What I'm trying to say through my story is that you deserve more than what you may think you are limited to. Previous comments sound right to me, relationships should be a 2 way road. You should be putting in and getting back 50%. I can't provide advice on if this is the right person for you or not, but it sounds like you might be inclined to get him out of your life. Whatever the case may be, I would suggest seeking help in some form, whether that be couples counseling, or support from a therapist or friend, maybe help/support if you do decide you want him to leave, even just a little conflict resolution service to sort out what you want to say in a safe environment that would be hard for him to walk away from. I know this can be extremely difficult, especially finding a therapist you can trust or trying to figure out what you want to say, really making any change is always hard, but you gotta do whats right for you. I hope that the answer presents itself to you in some way, and I wish you luck on whatever path feels right. Please update if you can. I'm listening. <3
avatar
Guest
Guest

Re: Should I let it go

Post by Guest on 12/3/2013, 8:30 am

I'd like to give a different viewpoint. In every successful relationship, honesty is the key. After a lifetime of failures, I met and married, my soul mate. I have DID as well as a host of other issues. He is schizophrenic and an addict. Our health professionals gave us a 5% chance. Well, if we were not honest with each other, I'd agree, but because we know WHAT we are, and we trust each other, we are finding this life both harder and happier. :-) If you love him, and he loves you, take the steps necessary to reach the level of trust needed to be honest on a daily basis (no more "I'm fine, leave me alone"... but instead, "I can't remember yesterday, and I'm afraid"). It requires a great deal of work, but it is so worth it. I've been alone my whole life. Now I am not, and neither is he. :-)
avatar
Guest
Guest

Re: Should I let it go

Post by Guest on 12/28/2013, 4:11 pm

Im a single-ing and I wish I had a husband to support me. My dating relationships have been pretty lousy. Men who date me arenèt looking for love, but for sex or money.
avatar
Guest
Guest

Re: Should I let it go

Post by Guest on 1/12/2014, 1:36 am

Hi

We read you have assets, a job and lots to lose which has you understandably fearful. We also read you have tried breaking it off, but SO won't leave. That aside, he accuses you of doing things.

A trusted counsellor/therapist would provide you a safe place to work things out, and help you with options. We hear your fear. You can have a counsellor and a relationship, it is not an either or. You may need to check insurance etc which may decide on what counselling options you have available. Community health centres are often a good place to start. They are often a wealth of information that private people are not up to date with.

Have you tried documentation? By this, we mean is a running diary which starts with the day, date, time, location, weather... here-&-now stuff followed by what you are currently doing, or done in the last 1/2hr or hour it sounds laborious, but it becomes your allibi for you.

Importantly, is not a journal of thoughts and feelings, rather something more dry and factual, that, if necessary can be handed to a therapist or used in a court of law. The reason for all the here and now stuff is because these details are not easily fabricated and most smart phones will provide you with the immediacy of these details. An entry could just be something like Monday 2 January 2014 2:13PM 52deg f at home and have been getting laundry done and about to start on preparing carrot and potato to go into the chilli for dinner... odometer reading 123456 on way to Shop Food on Food Street to get groceries, this keeps track of mileage. Once you get a notebook, pen and small carryable stick of glue, it is not hard to get in to the routine and you will be amazed at where you can write a few basic notes.

A handwritten notebook is easy to carry, and also will provide you with the 'evidence' you need to determine if you are losing time, or if SO is fabricating. It is very hard when you don't know who or what to trust. You can also stick receipts in this book which shows where money is going.

We don't know if it will help you, but it is something we have found extremely useful. It has no need to necessarily go beyond your eyes, but it is a tangible way to work out just what is happening with your time and money.

Hope you can find something which helps you.

AlwaysUs



  • Post new topic
  • Reply to topic

Current date/time is 12/16/2017, 6:49 am