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To provide a unique environment where folks who have experienced trauma can openly and safely talk. We strive to respect, validate, and learn from each other.


Achieving our goal requires cooperative collaboration amongst members and staff. Members posts remain appropriate and relevant to topics. Terms of Service are clearly posted to help members maintain the dignity of the board. Members of this group are at a stage in their healing to independently regulate their own behavior, as well as keeping themselves safe while on the forums. Staff regularly monitor posts and replies to ensure the board remains a safe and comfortable environment of learning for everyone.

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Felicity Lee

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How to break the dissociation?


How to break the dissociation? Empty How to break the dissociation?

Post by Guest on 6/21/2014, 9:56 am

Hi all,

samruck here. I'm new here, but recognized some of the names on this forum from my blog on wordpress.

Anyway, without asking anyone to read my blog, the short of it is, as a husband I'm essentially directing my wife's healing using attachment theory. I thought we were nearing the end of the healing journey, and so I booked a cruise for the end of this September to celebrate, but I'm starting to think I jumped the gun as I have run into a couple of roadblocks with 3 of the girls.

The question for this post has to do with the last girl to join our family, Tina. When she first joined us, none of the other girls could see or hear her (internally). She was completely separated from all the others by the severity of the abuse she endured. But after a year of working with and loving her, I got her connected to another girl, whom all the other girls can see and hear. Now these two girls have adopted each other as sisters, they spend all their time together. They added a door between their inside rooms and sleep together at nights. All 7 girls in my wife's group (including the host) have a weekly party, and some of the littler girls including Tina have nightly parties...and yet, Tina still can NOT see or hear any of the others except her sister...and the other 5 girls can't see or hear her either.

I'm running out of ideas on how to break the massive dissociation between her and the other 5. On most levels Tina has completely assimilated into our family except for the fact that she can ONLY communicate using her sister to talk to me and the others. It's discouraging Tina and me.

I know that she is still VERY afraid any time my wife (the host) and I have sex. And so I've been trying to work with her to develop a healthier attitude about sex because I know fear can feed dissociation. And I've also encouraged her sister to connect to the girl next door to her inside room, but Tina refuses to allow those two to add a door to their room like Tina and Sophia (her sister) did between their rooms (fearing she'll lose her special relationship with Sophia).

Anyway, this post is already longer than it probably should be, but I'm afraid there's not near enough info for anyone to hazard any guesses how I can get Tina connected to the other 5 girls so she can see and hear them internally.

Thanks for your time if you got this far.

Felicity Lee
Felicity Lee

How to break the dissociation? Empty Re: How to break the dissociation?

Post by felicity on 6/21/2014, 12:21 pm

hmmm, I can only say that time and creativity are generally the answers for us. Sounds. like that is what you have been doing -

We wish you the best.

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How to break the dissociation? Empty Re: How to break the dissociation?

Post by TeamMe on 6/21/2014, 1:11 pm

Mostly it involves trust and self esteem on Tina's part. She has to come to that point on her own. Tiny baby steps are needed.

You sound like an amazing person. Your wife and her system are lucky to have you.

Just wondering if the young girls have a safe place to be where they do not need to experience physical intamacy with you and the wife.

How to break the dissociation? Empty Re: How to break the dissociation?

Post by Guest on 6/22/2014, 5:17 am

I don't know where they go when we are intimate, but none of them are there unless they want to be, but as they grow closer together the separation isn't complete...which is as it should be.

Thanks for taking time to answer me...never any easy answers no matter how far we've come...sigh...

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How to break the dissociation? Empty Re: How to break the dissociation?

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