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Just diagnosed...

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plainjanedoe
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Just diagnosed...

Post by plainjanedoe on 5/13/2015, 1:02 pm

Man. I am struggling. I had my yearly assessment in therapy (first year down, many to go) and we have completely switched gears and focused on my "dissociative qualities", as he stated. I knew I'd had a major problem with dissociation stuff but I was not ready to hear what his conclusion was; DID. We are now doing psychoanalytical therapy and working on integration. I write constantly so that is helping, but the worst part about this feeling is the intense intrapsychic conflict... the internal tug of war. The self-doubt, constant bickering inside of my head, understanding and getting to know dissociative parts of me. I feel like me... all the time... but I can 'feel' that this makes sense... And I know it is true and can intellectually understand. It is just so hard to wrap my mind and accept this diagnosis. I don't know how to handle this and still function. Any advice is welcome and needed. Thank you!
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anthology
5,000+ Posts
5,000+ Posts

Re: Just diagnosed...

Post by anthology on 5/13/2015, 1:18 pm

I think most people struggle with DID as a diagnosis. there's a lot of denial that happens, a lot of thinking what you feel can't be real. a lot of arguing inside from people with all different views on it. take your time with getting through the denial and mixed thoughts. those can linger for a while, but it's ok. don't push it and take your time coming to terms with your new diagnosis. and remember, you're not alone

- host

LaughingWith
100+ Posts
100+ Posts

Re: Just diagnosed...

Post by LaughingWith on 5/13/2015, 8:33 pm

Hi! I was there less than a year ago. For me the first four months were extremely hard. My level of functioning decreased. I suddenly became very inwardly focused to the degree that it was hard to notice or be present outwardly. And with this focus came extreme physical dissociation symptoms and depersonalization. I wanted to figure everything out and be done with it while keeping it all as hidden and as secret as possible.

I think it was worse when I spent so much time reading about DID as a clinical entity. I read textbooks and things intended for therapists. That was very triggering and alienating. It would have been better to focus on my own mind and how it works rather than obsessing over other people's DID and how it works.

It only got easier for me when I realized I can't rush it and I can't control the process. The main thing is to learn to listen to what's inside and to gently notice what is happening with switching and passive influence. That seems to be the trick for me, anyway. My healing has seemed kind of slow, but I feel much better now than I did during my initial awakening crisis.

Sorry for the book. I wish you the best.

Pegasusangel
1,000+ Posts
1,000+ Posts

Re: Just diagnosed...

Post by Pegasusangel on 5/17/2015, 12:18 pm

Yes, getting the diagnosis of DID is very hard. It is a very misunderstood illness on the outside world. Not only that but Hollywood turns it into some Frankensteinian disease when it is really not. The fact that you feel like you but know it is right tells me that you are pretty co-concious. As everyone said above don't rush into accepting it yet. It took me over a year to accept my DID and I still sometimes feel a little like it's not real. Then something happens (losing time, getting in trouble, etc.) to show me there is no way it can't be a true diagnosis for me. Good luck on this journey take it very slow.
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bluedreamwoman
5,000+ Posts
5,000+ Posts

Re: Just diagnosed...

Post by bluedreamwoman on 5/17/2015, 11:07 pm

Welcome. I'm glad that you have joined us here. I look forward to seeing you around....
—bluedreamwoman (bdw & bdkids)
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mystory
1,000+ Posts
1,000+ Posts

Re: Just diagnosed...

Post by mystory on 5/17/2015, 11:26 pm

Hi PJD

It's very nice to meet you. Hope you find the support you are needing here.

I've been on this road for awhile but want to really encourage you to let t help you ground (awful word, that it is), because there is much to take in, and remember that the day's outside therapy are as valuable as The days in therapy. Be ever-so-gentle with you.

This journey is not for the faint of heart.

MultipleMe
1,000+ Posts
1,000+ Posts

Re: Just diagnosed...

Post by MultipleMe on 5/18/2015, 9:53 am

It has been two years for me and I still am trying wrap my brain around it all. So you are not alone there. I think it is good to read a little to help explain what you may be going through - so you know you aren't crazy. I also wasn't really able to function a whole lot for about 6 months after my dx. For me, it was very difficult. I was dealing with the loss of some very big things, so on top of losing my way of coping, grieving some losses and living with the parents - no wonder it is hard to process!

One thing I would add is make sure you are getting a chance to be outside, like walking if possible or gardening. Or biking riding, or swimming or whatever helps you to be outside and feel and hear things around you helps the function piece a lot. Also, get as much rest as you can. Hang in there, we are here supporting you. Writing here is also a big help.
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hideandseek
1,000+ Posts
1,000+ Posts

Re: Just diagnosed...

Post by hideandseek on 5/18/2015, 1:27 pm

Nice to meet you plainjanedoe,

We have been at this for 18 months and things are much clearer now. It was indeed a difficult diagnosis - it helped that my therapist called it a very creative and intelligent coping mechanism - not an illness, cause it is not illness or disorder - in fact it is very well ordered indeed.

It takes time to learn about your own system, so take it easy - journaling helped me a lot to keep things in perspective and to meet everyone - it wasn't as scary as I thought it would be - they have been with me all along, protecting and keeping me safe, helping me live a good life. meeting them all was like meeting old friends who i have come to love and appreciate.

I wish you well and hope to see you around.

h&s

Markds
Less than 100 posts
Less than 100 posts

Re: Just diagnosed...

Post by Markds on 6/10/2015, 8:30 pm

Hi Plainjanedoe,
Thanks for your post. I am about 3 or 4 months into the diagnosis. I seem to be having "steps" of acceptance of this. I just saw your post because I actually kind of needed a break after taking a step or two a month or so ago. My therapist has definitely helped with taking a one foot in front of the other gently approach which is kind of new for me. Probably the best thing as I move along is learning how to talk with a few people who are safe enough and supportive enough and I am starting to feel heard some (I am co-conscious).
Best
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susy16
1,000+ Posts
1,000+ Posts

Re: Just diagnosed...

Post by susy16 on 6/12/2015, 6:12 pm

Hi Plainjanedoe glad to meet you. We too are diagnosed in last couple of years. It is a journey that is not to be rushed. Try to embrace each insider that you discover. For us it helped to journal and also draw a picture of our internal systems. The visual pictures and words drawn has helped us accept the diagnosis. Though we do still go into stages of denial at times. We will looking forward to being part of your journey on IG with you.
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mystory
1,000+ Posts
1,000+ Posts

Re: Just diagnosed...

Post by mystory on 6/12/2015, 6:28 pm

planejanedoe,

Hi, how ya doin'?

Just want to say how incredible the responders are to your post. They have wisdom you require. I just love their responses. you are valuable, and we can add to your experience i your system will let you speak/write (in due time).
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Clara1977
100+ Posts
100+ Posts

Re: Just diagnosed...

Post by Clara1977 on 6/18/2015, 7:59 pm

i want so badly to just write.
:"who, me mulitple?"
oh maybe. oh maybe not. and we have been in this here process for 13 or more years.
maybe it never goes away. denial, i mean.
avatar
Morgan
Admin
Admin

Re: Just diagnosed...

Post by Morgan on 6/19/2015, 12:21 pm

My name is Morgan. I have been a member of IG for three years. I was diagnosed in 1990 with DID. I have come a LONG way since then. There are so many things I could say but I'll not make this a book. Just keep in mind one very important fact, you ARE NOT weird. You are totally normal for where you've been. DID is not a disease it is a wonderful way your mind and mine found to survive horrible trauma intact mentally. What I mean is sane. You will find as you go along in your t that you will go in and out of denial over and over again. Mainly because who wants to admit to themselves that the things that happened to them really happen to anyone let alone themselves! The internal struggle is 'normal' for someone starting out in t too. Everyone has an opinion and sometimes it is like being in a room full of people all talking at the same time about different subjects. It can really be loud in there can't it?! There are techniques you will learn to ground yourself and to communicate with those parts. One thing that must happen first though is to realize they are NOT your enemies. They are you at different stages each holding for you one or more memories that you were not ready until now to handle. Don't be in a hurry. Those memories will surface when it is time, when you are strong enough to handle them and you will be. There are so many stages to recovery and you will find that not everyone agrees on integration being necessary. I am integrating because I do not want to live the remainder of my life not knowing what I have said or done no matter how benign those things may be. Can I ever completely integrate? Probably not. My brain doesn't function in the same way as a singleton. But I have become the leader of the pack so to speak and the memories of my altars have become my memories. I have learned to love them and cherish them and of course that means I have learned to love and cherish myself. There is a LOT to learn about living with and recovering from DID that you will find on the forums on this website. IG is the best website on the internet for learning such things and for being supported while you strive for wholeness. Felicity has done and continues to do a marvelous job of helping others by keeping this board up and running and safe for everyone. I welcome you and I hope you will keep coming back. We are a family and you just became a member! If you can at all manage it you should come to the conference IG is having in Seattle Washington in October. You would never ever regret it and it is marvelous to be among people you don't have to pretend around and who totally understand you. I thought I'd add that invitation. I went last year and wow did I ever enjoy it! I'm going again this year. Anyway, welcome. Morgan



I love my Family of Choice, IG
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