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The Ominous Lure of ‘Secret’ Facebook Survivor Groups - article

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The Ominous Lure of ‘Secret’ Facebook Survivor Groups - article

Post by felicity on 6/8/2016, 6:10 pm

Article - Dissociative Identity Disorder - Facebook Secret Groups.

The Ominous Lure of ‘Secret’ Facebook Survivor Groups
 
“We dance round in a ring and suppose, but the secret sits in the middle and knows.” – Robert Frost, The Secret Sits.
 
“I belong to a ‘secret’ Facebook group just for survivors with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID),” she proudly announced – as have many other survivors in the past year.  Not much triggers me, but the word ‘secret’ and the tone of voice emphasizing the word, as if it is a special honor to be a part of such a group, sends chills up my spine.  I had not taken this ‘Facebook-secret-group’ idea seriously until recently.  It seems that this is the new and fascinating lure for trauma survivors on the internet.  Rationally, this trend of ‘secret groups’ is not only creepy, but swirls red flags swinging in the wind of what should be a time when survivors are finally ‘allowed’ to speak rather than being further silenced.
 
Historically, ‘normal’ survivor groups began forming during the late 80’s when the internet became a place where people with common interests gathered.  Because ‘forums’ provided privacy, community, and education to members, they were the most popular format.  Commonly, members of forums used ‘anonymous’ usernames and avatars to keep their identity private from friends and family.  The notion that people should keep themselves anonymous on the internet led to the birth of ‘trolls’.  Troublemakers and narcissists realized that they too could anonymously create identities and infiltrate groups.  They used their position within groups to control and manipulate members.  Because forums took so much time and energy to promote and run, most failed, and these abusers moved on to other groups befriending and gaining trust of unsuspecting survivors. 
 
Generally speaking, survivors of abuse are vulnerable to ‘trolls’ on the internet.  They easily react to a need for ‘friends’, a place to belong, and can be lured into abusive situations.  During the past decade, leaders of legitimate groups became ‘internet safety’ advocates who have warned people to not only remain anonymous on the internet, but to also keep personal information private – to be cautious of meeting people in real life.  These advocates understand the dangers and have seen firsthand the horrendous outcome of ignoring internet safety warnings.
 
Until recently, members of legitimate internet forums felt safe, gained support from knowledgeable peers, and moved forward in a positive fashion.  They could come to a community of people that truly cared about them and talk about anything.  Guidelines were based on respect and validation.  Leaders who demanded loyalty and secrecy were considered controlling and abusive and could not be trusted.  Any forum’s reputation could be tracked through longevity and public endorsement. 
 
Accordingly, members who belong to legitimate communities stand tall and proud telling others about their experiences on these forums – including their therapists and family.  Being the president of a legitimate nonprofit organization (Ivory Garden) and the ‘owner’ of Ivory Garden DID Support Group for over a decade, I know the internet and am very aware of how the ‘secret groups’ on Facebook operate.  This knowledge came slowly at first.  Survivors began mentioning these wonderful groups they had joined.  I expected they would next tell me with pride the name of these groups.  When asked, they answered in a guilty voice, “Oh, I would like to tell you, but I am sworn to secrecy.”  What????  I can’t know?  They shook with fear when I innocently asked why they couldn’t tell me.  I simply assumed that they were caught up in something too scary for them to talk about. 
 
Ultimately, ‘secret’ Facebook groups have now become the rage of survivors seeking to ‘belong’, to feel special, and to thrive in a completely controlled environment.  They don’t care ‘who’ created them, whether they are legitimate, or even if they are safe.  The term ‘secret group’ seems to carry with it a magical lure much like the tone of the Pied Piper’s flute.  The rules are strictly based on ‘secrecy’ and loyalty to the admins.  Members are not allowed to ‘tell’ anyone that they belong or the name of the groups.  Whatever happens within these groups is not to be shared with anyone outside the groups.   
 
Facebook ‘secret’ groups are simple and easy to create by anyone – literally, within a day.  Some groups have gathered hundreds of survivors in less than a month.  There are no criteria for being an ‘admin’ or a leader – just click the button and start inviting members. I have been ‘invited’ to join over ten ‘secret groups’ on Facebook in the past year.  The ‘admins’ who invited me had no clue who I was – only quickly asking me if I had DID.  My affirmative answer was all they needed for me to join.  Though they claim that only those ‘invited’ by another member can join, the admins send out mass emails inviting everyone from other survivor groups.  Therefore, these groups are not ‘secret’ except in the way that they are operated – leaders totally controlling their members.
 
I just spent the morning researching how many groups and which nonprofits were operating these ‘secret’ groups.  I was amazed to find organizations actually promoting the ‘secret’ nature of them as helpful and healing to survivors.  The idea that anyone ‘hiding’ their association within any group, as well as what is discussed within the group, is horrific.  As a cult survivor, I am well aware of the control that any ‘secret’ group leaders can gain over followers.  I believe that survivors have already been silenced and hurt enough.  The popularity of these groups doesn’t surprise me.  They offer survivors everything that they have dreamed of since childhood. 
 
So, what does happen within these ‘secret’ groups?  They promote members meeting and becoming friends with each other in-real-life, sharing personal information, and keeping their daily activities secret from anyone who does not belong to the group – even their therapists.  They encourage sharing personal stories of abuse, accessing and recruiting survivors from other groups, and disregarding Facebook terms of service – including moderating sexually explicit discussion not appropriate for children - who are on the internet.  They contend that the ‘secret’ nature of the groups allow for them to do as they please within their group. 
 
As I watch these groups in action, I am shocked at what I have witnessed: talk of suicide, peer-support (therapy) by members and staff who are not professionals, threats to members, flaming, rejecting members who don’t ‘fit in’, paranoia (punishing members for ‘breaking rules’), members displaying extreme fear of staff, staff pressuring members to call them at home for help, and members prompted to share family pictures and personal information within the group.  One admin sent me a message demanding that I call her immediately to discuss my lack of participation within the group. 
 
Clearly, these are ‘cult’ type groups that will become more dangerous as admins and staff gains more power over loyal and vulnerable members.  I am not convinced that ‘secret’ groups promote any sort of healing.  I care about survivors and have spent some twelve years advocating for better treatment – as have many other survivors who do promote healing and education online and in real life. 
 
I can only ask how it feels, as a member of a ‘secret’ group, to hide the fact that you belong to a group that calls itself ‘supportive’.  That is as inane as ‘hiding’ the abuse that happened to you as children – protecting the abusers.  Isn’t the idea of healing to END THE SILENCE??  Or is it more important to ‘belong’ to a secret group controlling you and your actions? 
 
Sadly, talking to those already controlled within a cult type group is frustrating.  They are victims.  They trust only the cult leaders and followers – members and admins.  I am not writing this to ‘help’ anyone caught in these groups, but to hope that their ‘real’ supporters will be there as they begin to display symptoms of depression, suicidal ideation, self-injury, helplessness, hopelessness, and isolation, etc. 
 
And, I do hope that those who are invited to join a ‘secret’ group will be more cautious and know what they are getting into ahead of time. 
 
“Cult leaders succeed in dominating their followers because they have mastered the cruel art of exploiting universal human dependency and attachment needs in others.” (Daniel Shaw (2003). Traumatic Abuse in Cults: A Psychoanalytic Perspective. Cultic Studies Review 2 (2): 101-131.)
 
This article copyright protected: Patricia Goodwin 6-8-16 – please do not copy without permission.  Felicity4us2@gmail.com



     

Don't miss the Ivory Garden Conference this year!!

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Contact Pat Goodwin, MA
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Re: The Ominous Lure of ‘Secret’ Facebook Survivor Groups - article

Post by krathyn on 6/8/2016, 9:16 pm

it is really sad that someone who has finally broken free of cult influence and begun to start a safe growth life as an adult, would want to go back to the cult-type regimentation represented in these "secret" facebook groups.



wishing you well-
Krathyn, Sebastian, Strawberry, Easebeth, Petrea
Krathyn of We5:    we accept all intentions of support--





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mystory
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Re: The Ominous Lure of ‘Secret’ Facebook Survivor Groups - article

Post by mystory on 6/8/2016, 10:31 pm

Thanks felicity for reminding us all of the danger of secret did groups.
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islandgirl
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Re: The Ominous Lure of ‘Secret’ Facebook Survivor Groups - article

Post by islandgirl on 6/9/2016, 10:56 am

I don't understand their purpose, except to control people, I guess? That is scary. Thank you for telling us about these types of 'secret' groups.
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Felicity Lee

Re: The Ominous Lure of ‘Secret’ Facebook Survivor Groups - article

Post by felicity on 6/9/2016, 11:14 am

Imagine my surprise.

For like six months, I have been asking people about this stuff that I was seeing on FB. Like groups that seemingly came out of nowhere, large numbers of members joining them - too large. Some 1200 members on one DID group within just less than a week. The discussion - whew - so much incorrect information about DID, the admin encouraging very triggering topics having to do with obvious cues that would trigger certain members. And, the admin changing the rules all of the time, gaining more and more power over members. Then, members trying to contact me over the message thingy - as you can tell, I don't spend much time on FB. I got one message from someone who lived near me - just expecting that I wanted to meet for coffee - I don't know which group that was.

So, I continue asking people about these groups - having no idea that they were supposed to be 'secret' - I never heard of such a thing. Because, the posts didn't feed and the groups didn't show up where I could find them quickly. So, I told people to just go here or there, but they couldn't find them in a search.

FB made some rule awhile back that we had to use our 'real name' on fb - so, I guess this threw some folks off - they didn't know who I was and just invited me to all the 'secret' places. I go when I can to support DID folks, but not often - until more and more from these groups began contacting me, and I decided to listen. I asked how they got my name - from the 'secret group' - they explained. Well, I am confused - I don't trust fb anyhow - but secret groups - for DID? Well, they aren't so secret - when I can google, and even 'upstanding' nonprofits and those who once had forums are advertising their 'secret groups' and how to join.

First fb is a social media - nothing is actually 'secret' - the concept is there, but without basis in reality. The 'admins' have NO control over members - nor do they know who is joining. The 'control' that they have over the group is reliant on the members 'believing' that it is 'secret' and that they have some magical power over them.

I mean, look at me - they have no clue who I am or where I come from - except for what is on my profile. They can remove me from their groups, but have no authority on fb to do anything to me. Because, I don't care who they are and know that they just got me to join by sending out a mass message, they have no control over me at all. One has to wonder how a group that needs members to survivor could possibly remain 'secret' - they promote and except any member - with no clue who they are - and, now give them access to every member there. 1200+ people with DID?

Are we regressing to the point of where there are secret groups for folks with DID - many have 'littles rooms' where the littles talk to each other - okay? That's cool, but who is overseeing the safety issues there - an admin - who we never heard of on a secret board?

I didn't mean the article to be a 'reminder' as such.

I was actually shocked that I belonged to 'secret' groups and didn't even know that they were supposed to be 'secret' - I visit periodically - shocked at what I was reading - moving on - thinking that someone will take these groups down. I mean, who is allowing them to run - while most of the fb terms of service are being broken?

So, now I guess that I have been removed from these groups. The last thing these admins need is someone 'outing' them as what they are - cult type groups.

I don't know - maybe, we need to make our group 'secret' and I can play 'Hitler' - and carefully 'hide' the activity that happens here. We already protect privacy - hiding from public view who participates here.

I am still shocked at the very idea that 'secrecy' creates 'safety' -

As I said, this was not meant to persuade or 'save' anyone who is already stuck in a bad situation, but really to alert the mental health community and especially, folks here or other 'real' supporters that members who are interacting in 'secret' groups will begin to show symptoms like 'cult victims'. Sad.... but, some just don't care - they need that sort of 'recognition' in their life.

Don't judge them - everyone has freedom to join whatever - I have a list on in-real-life cults that people could join - if they are that naive.



     

Don't miss the Ivory Garden Conference this year!!

https://igdid.org
Who is Ivory Garden Nonprofit Corporation?

https://ivorygardensite.com/

Contact Pat Goodwin, MA
President: Ivory Garden Nonprofit Corporation

felicity4us2@gmail.com
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Re: The Ominous Lure of ‘Secret’ Facebook Survivor Groups - article

Post by krathyn on 6/9/2016, 4:42 pm

doesn't "secret" and "facebook" seem like a contradiction in terms?



wishing you well-
Krathyn, Sebastian, Strawberry, Easebeth, Petrea
Krathyn of We5:    we accept all intentions of support--





krathyn148@gmail.com
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Felicity Lee

Re: The Ominous Lure of ‘Secret’ Facebook Survivor Groups - article

Post by felicity on 6/9/2016, 5:16 pm

Evidently, fb owner increased his business exponentially by being brilliant enough to add 'secret groups' - well, rightly - he is a genius, or so they say. And, as I have explained people only have to be 13 to join any online groups - this would be especially a draw to young and older teens. It seems that would increase cyber-bullying - I already read incidents where teens were sharing porn in secret groups. When, I taught, we discouraged exclusion from groups. And, how are parents to know where there children are or what is being said or shared in these groups. Just - wow. Being excluded from joining could tear apart folks already hurt by rejection. The power to be given to admins - and, not even having a clue who they really are? I guess, I never really believed when people told me they had to keep where they were a 'secret' - because, for the life of me, I could not imagine that anyone would believe what they wrote on the net could or would ever be 'secret' - people are gullible - and love the idea of 'secrets' - well, some anyhow.



     

Don't miss the Ivory Garden Conference this year!!

https://igdid.org
Who is Ivory Garden Nonprofit Corporation?

https://ivorygardensite.com/

Contact Pat Goodwin, MA
President: Ivory Garden Nonprofit Corporation

felicity4us2@gmail.com
avatar
krathyn
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krathyn

Re: The Ominous Lure of ‘Secret’ Facebook Survivor Groups - article

Post by krathyn on 6/9/2016, 7:56 pm

i think of "facebook" as being a place to share, with friends, family. or even the whole public.
i don't know about you, but i tend to think of "secret" as a product of a cult.
much abuse goes on in "secret" and never is brought to light.
it sounds like some kind of abuse is going on there and then, asked to stay secret--when in fact it is on the Internet and has potential to be shared with the whole world.



wishing you well-
Krathyn, Sebastian, Strawberry, Easebeth, Petrea
Krathyn of We5:    we accept all intentions of support--





krathyn148@gmail.com
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brazen60
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re:facebook and secret groups

Post by brazen60 on 6/9/2016, 10:14 pm

good stuff for those who want to be well-informed about the dangers of the internet. anything done or promoted "in the dark" or "in secret" is just a breeding ground for more of the same .
let's face it- there are some really sick things going on that profess to be Good when they are really not.
internet "cultism" is on the rise on the web and it may fall under many different names. just because a certain group or following has a different name does not mean the Agenda is any different and their methods and modalities are very similar to that of cults.
i think the allurement is that the offenders are well versed in understanding basic human needs-the need to be loved, wanted and cared for and as survivors oftentimes we have difficulty distinguishing the good from the bad...or Real from an alternate reality.
i've always seen the internet as an alternate reality.let's see i can be anybody that i want to be..change my name and backround..profess achievements that i've never done and i won't ever get called on it. what a bright future i have.
i am still someone who wants what's real in life. or at least maintain a balance between a machine(computer) and a friendship with another person. even if it is rather ordinary.
i still like to visit a friend or go to see toni down the block who runs a thrift store.
just a few thoughts.....

brazen60
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felicity
Felicity Lee
Felicity Lee

Re: The Ominous Lure of ‘Secret’ Facebook Survivor Groups - article

Post by felicity on 6/10/2016, 8:16 am

Yes! You could change you username, add lots of accomplishments, and everyone believes. It is a virtual world on the net

I remember long ago, I belonged to a forum - now gone - I think called 'coping with DID' - something like that. I got a pm that I was could be in a forum not seen by others. I asked other members if they been there? I got in big trouble for 'telling' - I had no idea that I was supposed to feel special. I think that I got banned - hmmm. I was amazed that they had 'secret' forums only open to a few special ppl. I guess, that was supposed to promote 'safety' - it made me feel creepy.

At one time, our members had to have so many posts before using certain forums, but members felt that excluded those who came for help. We don't do that anymore, at the request of members.

Reality is no one knows who is doing what on the internet. That is not only my sense of things, but research is finding the same - and real dangers to those who don't seem to care. Now add into the recipe for disaster - 'secrets' -

brazen60 and krathyn, you have both been on the internet forever. You are right - it is so 'cult-like' - and addictive. It has always been known that what we read influences us greatly. These 'secret groups' are not only doing as they please, also, because they are 'survivor groups' - most people expect that they are adults and don't really care how they are run. And, survivors would rarely realize new symptoms could be easily triggered and/or influenced on these type secret places. Isolation is caused by 'keeping secrets' from real friends or family or therapists. Being controlled by anyone causes inner-fear and general anxiety - the need to tell creates depression and the thought of possible rejection - SU/SI - reading this and realizing that you haven't yet been invited causes old feelings of rejection also.

Yes, 'friendships' take time and energy. FB creates the idea that 'friends' are a button you push, a quick fix to loneliness, a marker for status. One of the posts I saw in a 'secret group' - which I didn't know was 'secret' - someone shared a fairly well-known book - and, another member wrote that they had been on another forum with the author. Everyone gathered around this member - showering him/her with such admiration. lol - really? That's all one has to say and instant admiration. We should all want to meet that member right away. A competition for status - as well as each competing for having the 'most parts' - the most symptoms - being the 'worst' off. That is uplifting. And, others competing for being the most educated on DID - sharing completely ridiculous information. Like the blind leading the blind - absolutely NO resources outside themselves as experts.

Like you said, I can walk out my front door and find 'friends' at the grocery store that are more 'real' than those found in a 'secret group'. Neighbors who come help me with my yard - and, bring me fruit and veggies they grew - right?

I have met good friends on this forum, but in time - and, I don't feel controlled or like a commodity, but actually supported as being 'me' - not by pushing a quick button. And, at the conference. Those folks are willing to put some time into 'going' - and, how wonderful to meet them irl.

I think this does upset me, because I don't want to see survivors hurt, but also - you can't do anything to help folks who are 'lost' - controlled by others, who are good at what they do. I worry for the children who are also go to those groups - looking for parental figures that they don't have at home. And, I have two good friends who are no longer here ( as in alive) because they were accessed on the net.

We keep ourself safe by being 'real' on the net - people know who we are and they can't access us any longer.

This is a great discussion. I feel like I am the only who didn't realize these type groups even existed.



     

Don't miss the Ivory Garden Conference this year!!

https://igdid.org
Who is Ivory Garden Nonprofit Corporation?

https://ivorygardensite.com/

Contact Pat Goodwin, MA
President: Ivory Garden Nonprofit Corporation

felicity4us2@gmail.com
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islandgirl
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Re: The Ominous Lure of ‘Secret’ Facebook Survivor Groups - article

Post by islandgirl on 6/10/2016, 2:53 pm

This is a good discussion. I had no idea about secret groups. How do they choose who will be in their group?
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krathyn
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Re: The Ominous Lure of ‘Secret’ Facebook Survivor Groups - article

Post by krathyn on 6/10/2016, 4:17 pm

oh you were not alone Felicity, I did not understand these groups or how widespread they are.
i have been on the internet a lot, and i have forums, and i am kind of picky on which ones i go to and who i have on mine.
i like internet safety and "privacy" such as we have here at Ivory Garden, where a recognized member can see and answer posts.
this to my way of thinking is different from a "secret" where the name of the forum and who is in it are secret and expected not to discuss anything with their family, outside friends or even their Therapists.
Early in my days of Ivory Garden I told my Therapist I was coming here and her first reaction was that it was a bad use of computers. I should use the computer for research, for letters, for email even, but message board was a waste of time.
Strangely, as i got used to Ivory Garden, I became able to interact in more positive manners in "Real Life" and my Therapist noticed this. I actually told her it was from learning to support people on the message board. She rested her case about my use of message boards in general after that.
In a "secret" group this kind of positive growth could not happen since the people in them are constrained to "secrecy." Nor could someone in one tell their Therapists.
Secrecy by its very nature seems to be cult like and abusive. As a small child most of us were told to keep what our families were doing, secret.



wishing you well-
Krathyn, Sebastian, Strawberry, Easebeth, Petrea
Krathyn of We5:    we accept all intentions of support--





krathyn148@gmail.com
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felicity
Felicity Lee
Felicity Lee

Re: The Ominous Lure of ‘Secret’ Facebook Survivor Groups - article

Post by felicity on 6/11/2016, 3:07 pm

I went to a few of the forums that 'used to be' and other sites on the internet. They have something that says, "email me to join secret forum" - so, I assume that you email them and they 'add' you to the 'secret group'. That is the only criteria that I found.

Like I said, I actually belonged to like 10 of them and didn't even know that they were 'secret' all of this time. I was reading unbelievable posts - wondering why no one was saying anything. Then, I was receiving messages from ppl on fb that I didn't know - to go to coffee and such. I was shocked. No one asks me to go to coffee. But, evidently - they didn't know who I was, and were 'sent' by admin to contact me - part of the group expectations - because they lived near me. And, I was expected to go?! Really. They actually do 'expect' people to meet in real life - it is actually mandatory to stay in the group - and promoted as 'safe', because the group is 'secret'. I am trying not to laugh at this point. People aren't that naive - are they - yes, you would be surprised.

I ended up in the groups by being 'invited' (evidently, you have to be invited) - through mass messages that I got - they also, evidently, mass messaged all of my 'friends' also. I just agreed to support the groups. I don't have time to go to all of those groups. But, I saw one growing so quickly that I got interested in them. The admin gained power over the group quickly - and, the posts were meant to trigger - I wondered if any of the members had a clue that they were being influenced. Another was a 'little place' or something like that. They share everything - and, I do mean - EVERYTHING - sexual, personal, etc. Because, they are 'secret'. So, they obviously didn't know who I was - they don't know who anyone else is either - and, don't seem to care.

No, I didn't see any criteria - just a greed for more members - regardless of who they are.

I am off to research - someone wrote me and told me that the FBI was alerted to victims being lured to 'cults' in secret groups on the internet. This is scary and creepy to me - hopefully, not these groups - members whom we care about are there believing their every word - despite constant warning.



     

Don't miss the Ivory Garden Conference this year!!

https://igdid.org
Who is Ivory Garden Nonprofit Corporation?

https://ivorygardensite.com/

Contact Pat Goodwin, MA
President: Ivory Garden Nonprofit Corporation

felicity4us2@gmail.com
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mystory
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Re: The Ominous Lure of ‘Secret’ Facebook Survivor Groups - article

Post by mystory on 6/11/2016, 7:45 pm

When looking for more information on-line, back when I was first in therapy, there were very few places that had much information at all and no on-line forum. I was alone and still in quite a lot of denial. I searched as much as possible when I was able to.

It wasn't until 2010 or so that I found a forum and that was like a gift. (I'm sure there were others but maybe I was lucky to not have signed). It wasn't secret at all but there was someone or a few people that wanted a private group. For some reason that group was created within the forum and then when it started I felt super uncomfortable. Some of the people were very nice but I could only stay a short time and then I asked to be removed from the private group. It was like there was an agenda and it wasn't a safety agenda.

After awhile the larger forum became suspect to me, promoting certain ways of thinking but I don't know that for sure. The larger forum included many different mental and physical health matters. There were some very helpful posts at times, but nothing was like here on IGDID where it was focused on dissociation, etc. The ones here were compassionate, caring and used their empathy and understanding to nudge me/us along.

My understanding or acceptance of cults (where children were/are being hurt) being a thought I could comprehend (even though there is some evidence in my childhood town), took some unmasking, it was brainwashing and denial wrapped up together. As strength was added to strength I was able to open the door of some of the blatant abuses that society has allowed. This is where I think the internet is a good thing. It's clear by reading and understanding history that these abuses occurred and occur all around the world.

I have seen Ivory Garden evolve and I have evolved too. The internet, as my instructor in web design stated, is not secure, no matter what. The fact is that we are all accessible. What worries me is that the children growing up now with being so accessible won't know what it's like to make decisions about a person from reading the web, it's hard enough for adults who did not know this form of communication before.

One thing we should all try and do is teach those children that its not safe all the time on Facebook, Twitter, websites of all stripes, etc.

It's more difficult now, in some ways, because if I saw that my child might be lured by someone in real life, I could intervene but the internet makes that very difficult. There are apps for parents but what about people with dissociation with 'little' parts? It is a concern. lately I'm seeing so much more garble-d-gook on the web. It's almost like there is an intentional creating of chaos to distort. The tools can be used or good or bad, and it's up to me/us to discern, but how to get these distortions across to teens, who are wanting independence and yet they are naive or have been hurt or both.

I agree Krathyn, we were told to keep it in the family, not talk and this type of secret site is just the same. It's a beautiful thing to be able to come to Ivory Garden and talk, receive direction and be able to share our experience, hope an caring. I think it's always going to be an ongoing process to keep things safe but a very worthwhile one.

There are legitimate websites. We should look for a name of someone, an address (not personal), a phone number or email address. These are still things that indicate a site that has some integrity. I think Ivory Garden goes further than this, which is also a safety for all of us.

Good topic.





Now the evidence shows there is
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brazen60
Less than 100 posts
Less than 100 posts

re:facebook and secret groups

Post by brazen60 on 6/11/2016, 9:41 pm


kudos on this topic. my hope is that folks will read this and begin to Think....what am i doing?
i guess the fundamental question is this: do you want to belong to a cult??
i hope that readers will begin to recognize that they have gotten into a real mess but there is a way out.
these people are perpetrators. they reach out to contact you, which is really recruiting and tell you all the things you've longed to hear all these years. then they will lure you in to their world. they will try to gain your trust in various ways. they will obtain personal info; such as phone #s and your address. only to be used to threaten you with later on. i could go on.....
i ask this: do you want to leave your world behind in favor of someone who only wants to control your actions? wasn't your own life enough for you? freedom is a precious commodity...hold it close.
it's time to start speaking out against some of the atrocities that are happening right now on the internet. basically it is running wild .what i see is an anarchist society within our society.
my thing is this: if it doesn't feel right....listen to yourself(ves) and get the h**l out.

brazen60

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felicity
Felicity Lee
Felicity Lee

Re: The Ominous Lure of ‘Secret’ Facebook Survivor Groups - article

Post by felicity on 6/12/2016, 12:00 pm

I just read an article that made one point - 'All people can fall victim to cults. If you think you are immune, you are even more vulnerable."

I thought about that. The article explained how these leaders influence. They prey on the basic human needs that we all want fulfilled.

I was around during the 60's when cults were in full force. The first thing that was a clue - you felt as if you had to make a choice. 'Leave your family - break away - they don't love you - 'we' do.'' Second clue, "All of your 'friends' are here. Can you walk away from your 'friends''? Third clue, 'You are special to 'us' - you belong here.' Fourth clue: "We will never leave you. We 'need' you here." Fifth clue: "If you leave, you don't come back." The choice that you expected to make fills you with 'guilt' - regardless of your choice. This guilt is overwhelming regardless of the choice made. According to the article, the guilt creates symptoms and more vulnerability and fear - if you leave, there will be repercussions - if you try to return to those whom you previously trusted, they will reject you. Your perception is that all is hopeless; you are helpless; the choice was made.

The first contact is generally one within the group - to befriend you and lead you to the 'leader'. You are 'invited'. The leader makes you feel so special - you are 'wanted' by someone everyone admires. Then, you are accepted by the 'group' and expected to follow without thought - trust. The fear of rejection becomes your entire life. The final clue is that, whether you noticed or not, you have been recruited - influenced to trust only this leader. 'Your foo doesn't care about you. Your old friends can't be trusted. We 'know', we 'heard' them. 'Those other people are 'bad'." These are lies.

In the 60's and 70's, nearly every family I knew had a child in a cult. Some remember those days when family members would try to get their loved ones out of cults. It was impossible talking to the victim - the cult protected them - wanted them - and, needed large amounts of followers to keep them strong. The loyalty they had gained from members was impossible for most to understand. How did leaders come to totally control the thinking of their members? Cult-thinking doesn't last forever, though. And, soon cult-members began to 'see' their children being hurt, them being controlled, people being killed who tried to leave - etc. And, the cults began breaking apart - some are still going that started back then - alive and well.

People don't understand the difference between occult and cult - two completely different things. 'Cult' is a group of people who admire the leader to the point that they are controlled and 'trust/worship' the leader - not necessarily 'religious'. So, they hear the word 'cult', and may be involved in one - but, no black gowns and rituals - it isn't a cult - wrong.

The media and junk all over the internet has created this mess. The word 'cult' has gotten confused with 'occult'. The media has created the idea that 'cults' don't exist, aren't real. People who believe they are - well, they're just conspiracy theorists - paranoid- can't be trusted. This protects cults to continue influencing people and using them for their own means - whatever that be - mainly power and control over ppl. - whether small or large - cults are simply a group of people with a power hungry leader who is generally a narcissist - saying whatever it takes to control members. The more power they gain, the more they are given permission to 'do' whatever they like or get the members to do their dirty work.

The term 'cult' is not something scary or esoteric. People state that they belonged to a 'cult' - but, with a somewhat sensationalized notion. Many people belong in a 'cult-type' group right now - without even realizing.

The biggest problem is that belonging to a 'cult' is very dangerous. If you come to put your trust in these leaders - enough to give information that they have total access to you - enough that you would get in their car, even though you don't feel safe - afraid to say 'no' - that is dangerous. And, you disappear - or end up dead somewhere, and that leader is able to convince the rest of the group of their innocence - even though you 'know' differently - that is a cult. The final clue - that you 'know', but convince yourself in order to remain safe of the same happening to you.

Children do fall into this sort of thing quite easily. The lure 'is' the sense of belonging, being loved and accepted and special. These leaders promise what no one can really deliver.

The only way to get out of this situation is to just 'leave' - irl cults - run - where they can't find you. On the internet, change your username and leave. That's it - no guilt - your choice.

Survivors often want to 'remember' being in a cult - as if these horrible memories are going to come forward - of black robes and hurting babies - etc. Being in a cult can actually be quite a positive memory of love and belonging with no abuse at all - it is actually the 'control' and 'power' the leader invokes. And, these good feeling from parents being in cults is why survivors are drawn to cult-type groups. Just saying - let's practice common sense.



     

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