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DID Survivor Support Groups and Accountability

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DID Survivor Support Groups and Accountability

Post by felicity on 7/21/2016, 11:54 am

DID Survivor Support Groups and Accountability

I know that many members here probably won't agree with this, but it needs to happen.

I am going to create a change.org campaign to ask that facebook and other forums be held accountable for enforcing their own 'terms of service' - especially where vulnerable populations are concerned - such as folks with mental illness - including DID, PTSD, etc - and, children over 13.  This will also include the 'servers' moderating groups and forums to ensure that those running the forums are following 'laws' pertaining to their internet activity.  If they cannot do this, then, the forums/groups need to be taken down from their servers.  I am also going to ask that those who have not, in the past, followed the terms of service and laws, be held responsible and tried for their illegal activity on these forums and groups.

The change.org will only demand action to enforce what is already there.  Anyone can go to 'terms of service' for any online group or forum and find the terms of service clearly written - and, or to require legal action for those who break laws concerning privacy policy, copyright infringement, practicing therapy without a license - or with a license, but out of their state, as well as the newest internet law (which does include arrest - misrepresenting themselves as someone or thing that they aren't).  

Nearly every terms of service - carefully and clearly written on forums and groups - has been flagrantly broken and/or ignored by nearly every online group that is practicing now.  

I understand that many people 'believe' that anything goes on the Internet, and that it should be everyone's right to do whatever while participating in these groups.  It is, however, against the law and all terms of service to use any other than your 'real name' as an administrator - and/or staff.  It is also highly illegal to misrepresent the group by even insinuating that say, I am any part of the group - when I am not.  Ivory Garden does not even support any other support group, but this group and one other run by Krathyn.  It is also highly illegal to use personal information to contact members in any way except what is listed in their 'privacy policy' - which must, by law, be posted clearly on the forum.  It is against fb terms of service to advertise groups on any other webites or to recruit from other groups at all - even on facebook.  It is highly illegal to practice any sort of therapy or peer-therapy support on any group or even over the phone.  And, the list goes on - cyberbullying, threats, intimidation, manipulation, bashing, flaming of others, etc. - all against terms of service.

The reason that these type terms and laws are created is to protect the members from entering into groups where the admins/staff are operating any other than they advertise.  Members of these groups should not be put in a position of protecting themselves from those operating under false pretenses.  That is the responsibility of the servers - such as facebook or live journal, etc.  It should not be the responsibility of members to report groups or forums either.  I have had several forums, sites, and fb pages and groups removed by 'reporting', but that should not either be my responsibility or any member for that matter.  We should be able to trust that fb and other forums and groups monitor the activity - so, that we can trust that these forums are truly safe.  

I hope that you all will support this effort to keep the internet a safe place where no one has to endure the some 40 reports I have gotten this month alone about groups that are literally tearing the lives of survivors apart without thought of the laws and terms of service they have blatantly ignored.  

Discussion welcome - I will put the change.org link up when I complete it and the research that I am collecting now.



     

Don't miss the Ivory Garden Conference this year!!

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Re: DID Survivor Support Groups and Accountability

Post by krathyn on 7/21/2016, 4:59 pm

i remember discussing this-i think it is a good idea--and many situations which lead to practicing therapy without a license and many other problems, including sometimes robbery and death.
it is our internet, we need to keep it safe.



wishing you well-
Krathyn, Sebastian, Strawberry, Easebeth, Petrea
Krathyn of We5:    we accept all intentions of support--





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brazen60
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re: accountability

Post by brazen60 on 7/22/2016, 12:56 pm

YES felicity!
you are absolutely Right.
i tried to think of this in real life terms and gained a whole new perspective.
\say...i frequented a grocery store and went there just to buy food. suddenly when i entered i saw all Kinds of nasty-goings--on there and the manager was standing right there...watching the whole thing. well...in the real world this type of criminal activity is against the law. the manager and the owner ARE RESPONSIBLE for what goes on their store. if they do not take action then they are also breaking the law and should have charges filed against them.
ain't that right???
and besides they have put the general public in harms way.... perhaps Serious Harm.
online groups such as fb and others...the owner of that group or website is responsible for the content of what's happening there. they are supposed to Moderate.
this owner of fb is not cleaning his house. i'm not even convinced that he cares and yet he has made Millions from owning this forum. But he has not put in the effort to operate this forum in a Safe Manner. and so Everyone is at risk who enters.
just like walking into that grocery store.
anyhow, Kudos felicity....
you certainly have my Vote...Yes.
and thank you for caring enough about others to try and do something about this online atrocity.
No one has the right to tear apart your Life and you might not even know who they are. that is the frightening part. that is an atrocity.

brazen60

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felicity
Felicity Lee
Felicity Lee

Re: DID Survivor Support Groups and Accountability

Post by felicity on 7/22/2016, 2:49 pm

I am writing it now.  

It is a difficult dilemma - though, a simple concept for me.  

It is a hierarchy.   So, the Hosting Service Provider - ours' being 'Forumotion' - has terms of service that are very clear.  Then, I create the forum and agree that 'I' will not only follow the rules, but will also ensure that all members will do the same by creating guidelines and terms of service that replicate theirs.  I cannot 'do' whatever I please just because 'I' declare myself 'in charge'.  

Yes, the terms of service take a long time for me to read and understand.  There are also terms of how I represent myself to the HSP, but also to members who join.  The only real consequence is that the board will be removed if I break these terms.  Then, members are required to read and agree to the terms also.  The only consequence for them is that they are removed from the forum - but they can also cause the forum to be removed if I don't enforce the terms.  This is common to most forums.  Facebook is pretty much the same setup.

All of this can only take place if the admin (founder) and staff enforce the terms.  If the admin (staff) can't just run the forum/group however they please - breaking terms - hurting members, etc. - the only option is for a member to report them.  Then, the very worse consequence is that the forum/group is taken down.  And, this rarely happens - members rarely even know the terms and how it works - and, most fear an admin/staff that is very controlling and breaking the terms of service.  They, sadly, believe that they have some sort of magical authority over them.  And, they mostly report out of anger or hurt feelings - rather than terms that were explicitly broken.  I am able to remove boards/forums/groups, because I know the legalities and the process to take.  

It is much like the abusive foster care system - one gets reported - no one is punished - they move to another location to start up again.  

But, not all forums/boards/groups are abusive.  How do we know which ones when they are able to block and hide the entire group from any view - no one can even find the 'hidden fb groups' to report them once they have been removed from the group?  

The question that I am having - In order to stop this, it seems that the HSP needs to be, first, held accountable to ensure that these 'founders' - admins - are who they say they are, have the credentials and experience to run these groups safely, etc. in order to stop just anyone from founding groups over and over with full intention to control and harm innocent members.  They should have the experience of working within vulnerable populations and education enough to be a leader and a safe person.  

Okay, so that said - what if they lie - which they do in order to gain control over members?  

All in all, trying to figure this out - we know that fb is not going to be put on the hot seat - they can't even stop child trafficking from happening right under their nose.  

But, I do not think that it should ever be the responsibility of the innocent members to 'have' to be the guardian of the internet groups.  They are easily influenced and should not be held guilty or feel that they were 'stupid' to get involved.  They should be able to trust that there is some sort of policy for keeping horrible, murderers, and abusers from running 'support groups' for gosh sake.

We have thrown them off from our board - because we don't want them hurting people - then, members follow them, because the abusers are narcissistic, psychopaths and know exactly how to manipulate people.  They just moved from here and formed more groups to lure innocents.   That is not the 'members' fault - they assume that there is some kind of overseer in place.  

So, what am I asking? - that the HSP's spend some of that money they make to better check out people before they become admins of these groups?  And, if the admins hurt people - they are held liable - whatever the law mandates.  If a member SU's or ends up in h, or dead that they are arrested and pay for their part in all of it - after all, they take control and behave as if they are some sort of 'God' that can do whatever they please - and, that is cool as long as it is in the best interest of members and following the terms - they should pay the price of that either way.

Maybe, I am over-thinking this, but the hierarchy is actually the problem.  The admin/founder needs to be checked out mostly and thoroughly - I think - before they have a chance to hurt anyone.  

These groups were never meant to be therapy centers, but for families and friends.  So, fb, especially, should make them all open so that people can check them out before joining and/or anyone who wants to ensure their safety.  Otherwise, take on the time and money it takes to make them safe.

Anyhow, any ideas?  We know the problem - I just am having difficulty coming up with a solution that makes sense.



     

Don't miss the Ivory Garden Conference this year!!

https://igdid.org
Who is Ivory Garden Nonprofit Corporation?

https://ivorygardensite.com/

Contact Pat Goodwin, MA
President: Ivory Garden Nonprofit Corporation

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Re: DID Survivor Support Groups and Accountability

Post by krathyn on 7/22/2016, 4:34 pm

it seems like it could be hard to pinpoint who needs to be held accountable for what in some or most of these cases.
the terms of service are often clearly stated, but long, and many people join groups with their "agree" without having read the whole thing. Some people then go on to break them without being aware they are breaking them and others get things done to them without being aware that the things being done aren't legal.
terms of service,
if read and followed many of the cybercrimes we see would disappear.



wishing you well-
Krathyn, Sebastian, Strawberry, Easebeth, Petrea
Krathyn of We5:    we accept all intentions of support--





krathyn148@gmail.com
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Felicity Lee
Felicity Lee

Re: DID Survivor Support Groups and Accountability

Post by felicity on 7/22/2016, 5:04 pm

Yes, I agree. A lot of the problem seems to be this attitude of 'we can do whatever we want in our group,' which is so beyond the truth.

One huge problem is the 'term of service' that ALL posts and information must be appropriate for children 13 yo or older - or the forum/board must be 'for adults only'. I don't even think people realize that children are on these forum - and, they don't even have to tell their age - because of discrimination for age. So, first time one of those parents call because their child was stalked and/or bullied on their forum or worse - read one of those explicit memory posts well... - not good.

It just must be made a bit more difficult for 'founders' of forums/groups - at least prove their identity - possibly a background check would be a beginning - I mean, they are actually responsible for children and a vulnerable population - within the DID community. We have people dying - for gosh sakes - isn't that enough to do something to stop these people from hurting others?

I am tired of being told over and over what these group admins do, how they do it, and listening to them bash 'me' - I want someone who can make a change to step in and stop this NOW - before more of my friends end up missing or dead. I am not the 'enemy' because I try like heck to 'save' people who have been told by them that I can't be trusted - of course, they will tell them that - but, again it is not the fault of the victim - but the perpetrators - and, those who let them get away with it.

I am trying to simplify this petition to clarify what needs be done. I have several reports from victims who have belonged to these forums and groups. I have my own experiences of trafficking and sex trade while in one forum. Hopefully, people will see a need to make our internet a safe place for people needing support.



     

Don't miss the Ivory Garden Conference this year!!

https://igdid.org
Who is Ivory Garden Nonprofit Corporation?

https://ivorygardensite.com/

Contact Pat Goodwin, MA
President: Ivory Garden Nonprofit Corporation

felicity4us2@gmail.com
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Re: DID Survivor Support Groups and Accountability

Post by krathyn on 7/22/2016, 9:08 pm

i often forget that young teens are "children". i also often forget that many of them enjoy the internet as one of their favorite activities.
i am aware that vulnerable populations including people with DID (they may have children and teen parts) also people with illnesses such as schizophrenia and bipolar are users of the internet also, and may take things said or written literally in ways that are deleterious to them.
So how to get people to be accountable?
Somewhere, anyone who opens a forum or site needs to not just loosely agree to a set of terms of service but somewhere, the real name, physical address, a viable email and telephone number should be associated with that person as well as any credentials or degrees that they do hold. It needs to be possible to track down a person who is making false claims or practicing therapy without a license.
This would be a suggested minimum for keeping track of people opening internet sites.
The other piece would be that they actually DO read and understand the Terms of Service of their host server and that are expected of their site.
How to enforce that i am not sure. I can't tell whether someone read and understood something when i was not in their skin as they did it.
But we need a certain amount of accountability and this seems to be one place to start.




wishing you well-
Krathyn, Sebastian, Strawberry, Easebeth, Petrea
Krathyn of We5:    we accept all intentions of support--





krathyn148@gmail.com
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felicity
Felicity Lee
Felicity Lee

Re: DID Survivor Support Groups and Accountability

Post by felicity on 7/23/2016, 10:50 am

I don't know if you realize, but when someone registers to our board and the conference, they actually sign that they have read the terms of service and privacy policy and agree to follow them while on our board or at the conference.

We have about 3 people trying to access our forum everyday - but, they don't follow through once they see that they have to give their information and 'sign' that they agree and have read. I don't really think that 3 people a day are looking for support for DID - possibly, but not likely. And, people are told by these other groups NOT to give information in order to join - that we are 'collecting' information in order to access them - etc. etc. 'We can't be trusted'? Really. We do have legal privacy policy posted and have an impeccable record of credibility. Any credible group does ask for the same information. When I first joined a group (some 15 years ago), I was shocked that I was asked nothing about who I was and actually 'told' by admins to never share my real name or information with any group admin - after all - no one even knew who she was - odd, but she put the fear into me that I would be gobbled up by monsters if anyone ever found out my 'real' identity. That is such bs - but, works for those who want to disappear quickly or change their identity - or those who want to have access to members - and, leave no trace of their behavior. That is a recipe for disaster - and, no one being held libel.

I think fb is the place to start. First, groups should all be public so that ppl can see what is going on - especially parents. It is a social media - after all. It is one huge forum - and, one person is behind running it - the idea that there are admins 'in charge' is firstly and mostly, an illusion. There is no accountability for their action - and, they know it. This actually gives admins the 'license to kill' without consequences and leaves fb looking innocent - but, they put the admins in a position of believing- and creating the belief in 'members' - that admins have any power at all - they simply don't. When something happens, the admins disappear - change their name again - and, everything is forgotten. They open a new group, name it something else and begin again.

This is not likely to happen on a forum, such as ours'. First, actual forums are difficult to start - the information we provide is public - our terms and privacy policy are clearly stated and fed to search engines. The posts are private. We are held accountable to the HSP - Forumotion. They enforce the terms of service - admin/'owners' are held accountable. FB also has terms that group admins cannot go around 'collecting', accessing, or advertising for members beyond their own 'friends' - but, this they do - often and flagrantly. Forums do not have that kind of access to such a large population. They depend on their good name and search engines in order to slowly 'create' their community - which is private as far as pm's and chat, etc. Forums rarely are able to stay around as long as we have - because, it takes so much work and time - and, staff to keep them safe and running.

Thus, there are many really good forums/lists/message boards out there - that can be trusted, but they are falling away as members are manipulated into leaving them for 'secret'/'exclusive' groups. Forums are also expensive - fb groups are free - and, simple to create.

I love our forum - we don't promise anything - our members are here for each other - there is no 'hidden agenda' - no free therapy - because, reality- those promises are something that we can't keep - anymore than any group. We don't bash, bully, or create drama or cliques. I would rather have 7 members who really care about each other than 3000 who sit around and spread gossip and form cliques.

Then researching fb, I saw many questions admins were asking about their secret groups. A few common questions, "How can we stop our members from sharing pictures on the main board?" "How can we stop our members from posting on the main board?" "How can we stop members from telling others about our group?" "How can we stop members from sharing posts on the main board?" Really? Are you kidding me? Here members cannot copy posts and share them, because of provisions about copyright - fb doesn't have those provisions - 'admins' really need to read fb terms of service before asking dumb questions like these - fb owns all of the post made on their forum. And, why would they even want that much power to restrict members from letting people know what goes on in the secret groups?

Anyhow, yeah - starting with fb is what needs to happen. No one seems to be steering the ship there - do they even have employees moderating fb at all? I think not.

I still contend that innocents believe that 'someone' knows who these admins are and that they have some credibility allowing them to have so much control. They should not be held 'guilty of stupidity' for joining groups that they believe are somehow moderated and safe. People should be able to freely trust - and know that these group are moderated - following terms of service - and, held accountable for their behavior - after all, the members are expected to follow every silly rule 'they' create or the admins 'punish them' - for gosh sakes - this makes no sense at all.

And.... as dangerous as it gets - members have come to believe that they 'want' to be able to do as they please - write explicit memories of their past, gossip freely in chat rooms, practice therapy type 'peer support', bully members and/or reject access based on their whims of who they 'like', threaten each other, etc. etc. -all illegal practices and against any TOS. We saw that here when we discussed on the forum what members 'wanted' - they want to do as they please without any knowledge of laws, terms of service, etc. which are actually created to ensure the safety of every member. Most wrote that they go elsewhere, because these activities are not only allowed, but encouraged in other groups.

Current research is changing to suggest that support forums actually endanger the well-being of survivors - that is so sad.

We are here to support - not control - not to entice fear. Something needs to change and quick, before survivors have nowhere safe to go.

The thing is that people understand this problem backwards. Members think that we 'want them' for some purpose. Actually, we only provide a safe place. Members are not a 'commodity' - in our view - they are real people who we get to know in a community setting. When they are accessed here, we just wave 'goodbye' and wish them well. We welcome them back as a safe place when they are ready. But, like everything else, and is the trend right now, we can't keep something running that is not seen as a valuable resource for people. Fb is taking over many forms of community - and - mainly, social media. That is reality. We are beginning to know how many survivors really want to move forward - how many really want support - and, how many just want to 'be' somewhere with their friends creating drama - without a care for theirs or others' safety. Sad - this is truly sad.

Sorry, this is long, but important as Ivory Garden decides where our efforts make the greatest difference for 'supporting' survivors. There are 48 million survivors in America alone - all needing support - where are they all? And, a huge question that needs considering - where are those who have seemingly just disappeared - no one knows? Did they SU - because of lack of/inappropriate support? There is no answer - were they murdered by an admin on a secret group - seems a bit paranoid, but now, a reality. And, human trafficking - on fb - a clear reality with actually, high statistics. The world is changing, and either positive change is made or we need to rethink how to accomplish our mission.



     

Don't miss the Ivory Garden Conference this year!!

https://igdid.org
Who is Ivory Garden Nonprofit Corporation?

https://ivorygardensite.com/

Contact Pat Goodwin, MA
President: Ivory Garden Nonprofit Corporation

felicity4us2@gmail.com
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Re: DID Survivor Support Groups and Accountability

Post by krathyn on 7/23/2016, 11:55 am

i am aware that people entering Ivory Garden are expected to read and sign a TOS agreement-i did.
I am also aware how easy it is to just read a couple sentences and not digest the whole thing and sign before they realize what they are signing.
Majority of people DO read it thoroughly enough to understand it and sign thoughtfully and that would be the majority of current active members and staff.
There have been a few flagrant situations in which someone has not followed said Terms of Service and they have been removed.
Did they not read it, not understand it or just choose to mess it up?
It is never known, and if it happens here where we are real careful about it, it probably does happen in less careful places.




wishing you well-
Krathyn, Sebastian, Strawberry, Easebeth, Petrea
Krathyn of We5:    we accept all intentions of support--





krathyn148@gmail.com
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felicity
Felicity Lee
Felicity Lee

Re: DID Survivor Support Groups and Accountability

Post by felicity on 7/24/2016, 1:56 pm

Lots of articles coming out about secret groups - much the same information that I am hearing from members - here is one of interest - http://www.newser.com/story/222208/peer-inside-the-secret-groups-of-facebook.html?utm_source=popsugar.com&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=pubexchange_article



and another - http://www.forbes.com/sites/alysonkrueger/2015/08/21/inside-the-secret-world-of-secret-facebook-groups-hazing-initiations-rules-loyal-friendships/#7e7c3d3e4f26

and more...



     

Don't miss the Ivory Garden Conference this year!!

https://igdid.org
Who is Ivory Garden Nonprofit Corporation?

https://ivorygardensite.com/

Contact Pat Goodwin, MA
President: Ivory Garden Nonprofit Corporation

felicity4us2@gmail.com
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BAILIWICK1
1,000+ Posts
1,000+ Posts

Re: DID Survivor Support Groups and Accountability

Post by BAILIWICK1 on 7/24/2016, 5:04 pm


Felicity,
I do absolutely commend you for a responsibility and accountability to people who join IG hoping they have found a safe place, a place where we/they can be understood because of the other people relating to life in d.i.d.
Unfortunately, the anonimity and control behind this social media which is open to lying and hiding in plain site is I am afraid a construct of such an open blind forum of the Internet.
Truth in advertising does not apply. People post what they want, it is not a safe place, it is not private, and all posts have a potential of spreading like wildfire.
I am on totally separate groups with dog trainers, facilities, schools, etc. there are outright lies and promotions. Attacks and manipulation. Comments and opinions can be deleted if warnings are posted to the effect of less than honorable techniques to gain sponsorships, donations, followers.
I do't believe there is truly any way that the Internet can be made safe. It is open access for predators and liars. The ones who know the rules the best are the ones who can maneuver around them.
While I commend you for the thought, to try to change and make it safe,mi think that anyone who thinks it is private and safe are the potential and current day victims. FB, Twitter, write their rules to protect themselves but we the users, bottom line are not protected. And frankly we can't be. Too much information and too easy to hack into.
So, all that can be done is warn against put red flags up if something is not right,mouth the bottom line I am afraid is we are not in power to change what is not in our control. And the volume of users in the billions is impossible to police.
It is user beware and always has been it is just an exponential issue now as the users hide behind anonimity to manipulate and turn those they are aiming for and those caught in their traps.
Sorry if this is so negative, I know you and sooo so many wish the Internet could have some safe corner to communicate in but in reality it isn't and can't be because while trying to build a better mouse trap, the tricks are discovered and circumvented almost immediately.
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felicity
Felicity Lee
Felicity Lee

Re: DID Survivor Support Groups and Accountability

Post by felicity on 7/24/2016, 7:54 pm

Thank you for the thoughtful response.

I actually have been thinking about this for some 13 years - as I have been on both sides of the street - a member (who was accessed, bullied, and hurt), and admin/owner of this forum for the past decade.

We have worked diligently to ensure that members here are safe - by following terms of service, enforcing them, and doing our best to discourage accessing, advertising, recruiting while on our forum.

I don't ever want to create the same attitude that the public seems to be taking to everything out there - 'the victim is to blame' and the 'perpetrator is a faceless, nameless entity' innocently going along doing as each pleases. The victim is deemed 'at fault', because they are too 'stupid' to keep themselves safe from obvious perpetrator behavior. That is not okay. We cannot just say that 'is life' - we can't change anything. For instance, I have been perfectly safe running this board using my real identity for many years - despite people lying about me, trying to ruin my good name, etc. etc. Those people 'are' the perpetrators - not me. The only one who needs to believe that is 'me' to keep 'me' safe.

But, I am not an innocent. I am well aware of the dangers out there, who the dangerous people are, how they 'get to people' and how to protect myself from them. I don't expect that anyone - such as children, or folks new to the internet should become victims just because they trust that groups and admins are going to do what they say they do or be who they say they are - those admins and groups are being 'allowed' and even 'encouraged' to abuse their exclusive power over members because places like fb don't enforce their terms of service - and, no one can report them, because they can't even get access to see them. This is the most outrageous misuse of the internet I have ever encountered - and, I am not the only one. I don't even know if a warrant could be issued to investigate a 'secret' group concerning a member who was murdered by one of these admins.

I must disagree and state that changes are made by those who see problems and strive to solve them for the best of those being taken advantage of - there are laws being broken - in some dark covert place - called FB Secret Groups. Am I paranoid? I only know that I would not even become involved with any of these groups. Why do they need to be secret? The only other groups that I know are called cults whose leaders control their every member - sound familiar?

Ten years ago, when we started this forum, I had never heard of such a thing. Guidelines were followed and enforced by admins based on the terms of service of the ISP. If groups were unsafe, people just didn't go - and, the groups disappeared. I guess, maybe - I am not up on the social networking craze. Soon, I think that there will be no more safe places - they will be a sad memory of the past.



     

Don't miss the Ivory Garden Conference this year!!

https://igdid.org
Who is Ivory Garden Nonprofit Corporation?

https://ivorygardensite.com/

Contact Pat Goodwin, MA
President: Ivory Garden Nonprofit Corporation

felicity4us2@gmail.com
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felicity
Felicity Lee
Felicity Lee

Re: DID Survivor Support Groups and Accountability

Post by felicity on 7/27/2016, 10:40 am

I have thought about a change.org and petitions to have Facebook enforce their terms of service. They are so well written, but obviously not enforced - which creates the sense that people are safe to do as they please behind a secret wall.

Secret groups for vulnerable populations are being advertised by nearly every forum - places where people - especially abuse survivors - can tell their stories in 'secret'. And, of course, many survivors feel that this is the 'way' to heal. We have seen that idea here - but, terms of service from our provider don't allow for that to happen - because of clear safety issues for younger populations and other members.

Though I do realize that what these groups are doing is dangerous, and they 'should be' monitored and be enforcing their terms - the terms are actually much more restrictive then our terms. For instance, anyone having more than one profile should be reported and their profiles deleted from FB, everyone must provide their true information, and be using their 'real name' - even to post. If not, they should be reported. This, fb says, keeps the members accountable for what they do while posting in these groups. The material written cannot contain any bashing, badmouthing, gossip, threats, explicit sexual content, etc. The restrictions are strict, but 'reporting' the groups or individuals breaking them is up to members and anyone who has the name of the group and/or individuals can also report and cause the group to be removed.

As we have read in those who have written news articles, fb does store the data written in every post, and they do know who and what is written everywhere on fb. This is evident in their privacy policy - so, the idea of being safe in 'secret groups' is a clear illusion.

I understand the need for survivors to want to be 'secret' so that they can behave however they please - like children - when the cat's away - so the saying goes.

But, I also see how this came to be - fb was once a 'family' social media - not at all meant for 'groups' - they got billions of people addicted to spending all their waking moments hooked on going - then, offer something so completely conflicting as 'secret groups' - then, collecting the data that is posted in these groups - and, even selling it. Eeks. Do people never realize that 'secrets' are the basic foundation of abuse?

Never be afraid to raise your voice for honesty and truth and compassion against injustice and lying and greed. If people all over the world…would do this, it would change the earth.
–William Faulkner

I wondered if we should open an Ivory Garden 'secret group', but it goes against everything we stand for - our mission statement - to provide a safe place where everyone practices respect and validation for each other without judgement. We don't need to hide in secrecy what we do and how we do it - we do not practice 'exclusivity' - and, we monitor to ensure that terms of service are met.

I think those who 'want' to do as they please should go - and, someday learn from consequences. Those who have pride and compassion in themselves should enjoy the community that we have created. The trolls are gone, except when they come to access our newer members - let them stay gone. My thoughts. Our members make a choice, and, if they are lured away to an illusion of 'secrecy' and exclusivity - then, we cannot protect everyone.



     

Don't miss the Ivory Garden Conference this year!!

https://igdid.org
Who is Ivory Garden Nonprofit Corporation?

https://ivorygardensite.com/

Contact Pat Goodwin, MA
President: Ivory Garden Nonprofit Corporation

felicity4us2@gmail.com
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krathyn
krathyn
krathyn

Re: DID Survivor Support Groups and Accountability

Post by krathyn on 7/27/2016, 11:35 am

secret groups are just another kind of cult and many here have been abused by cults religious or otherwise.
why they would want to go be abused like that again i do not understand.
however as Felicity says, we have no control over where people go. we hope people see right away and extricate themselves from stuff like this.
we have a nice board here, and people do by and large treat each other with respect. we are private, but we are not secret.



wishing you well-
Krathyn, Sebastian, Strawberry, Easebeth, Petrea
Krathyn of We5:    we accept all intentions of support--





krathyn148@gmail.com
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felicity
Felicity Lee
Felicity Lee

Re: DID Survivor Support Groups and Accountability

Post by felicity on 7/28/2016, 8:30 am

I have learned so much here about 'survivors' -

Each is individual - just as I wrote 11 years ago in our mission statement - and, we respect and validate each without questioning their motives for being here. Everyone is welcome and has a chance to come and be a part of such a rare community. We have always strictly enforced our terms and guidelines - however. It is not a 'free-for-all' as is the way in 'secret groups'. If members prove themselves incapable of participating within the guidelines of respect and cooperation with others, they are asked to leave, but everyone is given a chance. This sometimes creates problems - as those who have come here expecting others to meet selfish and greedy needs have been treated well - despite their attempt to actually hurt others and our community. Those who have been here a long time know that this is how the forum is run, to ignore those who recruit and gossip - they won't be here long. Being who they are, they will always leave angry that they didn't get what they wanted - disgruntled members - they will badmouth and blame us for their inability to treat people well. And, we move forward always regarding everyone as needing support, regardless of their motives. Everyone is different, and not all are able to cooperate within a community where everyone works together to support in a positive and healthy way. We regard all folks as significant in their own way - but, never condone them hurting the forum or other members. We don't control or police members - but, allow for them to show who they are through their behavior toward others. Some folks 'need' complete control of a tyrant leader and/or a 'secret place' to gossip and behave inappropriately in order to thrive (drama) - they 'need' complete attention, teddy bears, exclusivity, special treatment, promises, and punishment/reward, and all that these secret groups provide. I spent time in these groups (without even knowing how got there - they just added me), and I was shocked at how the admins treated members. I have gotten reports that were unbelievable - but, I do understand - we don't want to be anything like that and never have been. We can't change how others do things - only to continue doing as we always have - we can't warn about internet safety - it is a learning process for each to find out that the internet is truly a dangerous place with some very bad people running forums. Change.org is a good idea, but I venture to say that most survivors would not agree that secret groups should be 'open' - they WANT the drama and idea of 'secrecy' - despite that they are nothing more than 'covert cults' - obviously.

I think spending time to save people who don't want to be saved is a wasted venture. That is like trying to 'save' abusers from hurting children -



     

Don't miss the Ivory Garden Conference this year!!

https://igdid.org
Who is Ivory Garden Nonprofit Corporation?

https://ivorygardensite.com/

Contact Pat Goodwin, MA
President: Ivory Garden Nonprofit Corporation

felicity4us2@gmail.com
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