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Been down for the count 3-4 flashbacks a day

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Dymond
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100+ Posts

Been down for the count 3-4 flashbacks a day

Post by Dymond on 9/13/2017, 6:12 pm

In reaching out to my sister there has been a significant uptick with harassment in the office by the perpetrating communities. I can't control who comes in, whether they will come in on time or not, and also I can't control who calls in. This last week someone high up in the community came in and my terror was at a 15, I thought I would die from it. The wife was dressed all color coded in yellow and attempted to hand me a yellow file folder. They had arrived an hour early. I sent them away. In the original memory they were known as Mr. and Mr.s A. I learned their real name this way. I am into week two of non-stop flashbacks and am uncovering aspects I didn't know where there. I know that Tich Naht Hahn or the Dalai Lama would probably want me to work towards not being moved - but I just don't feel physically safe there any more. I talked to both my psychiatrist and my therapist and said I felt I needed some disability leave to recover from this. I called an advocacy agency about permanent disability (I realize i just don't want to have to see these people on a daily basis as they call in and come into the office). They said I had a good case, and they would help me, but that I would need to show a bit more time away from work. I am going to ask for 3 months off. SUCKS! I never used to get harassed until I a. wrote my memoir and put it out in the world and b. started to be a resource to my sister. Is anyone on permanent disability?
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Dymond
100+ Posts
100+ Posts

Re: Been down for the count 3-4 flashbacks a day

Post by Dymond on 9/14/2017, 8:17 am

I always regret posting when struggling - it seems like a really unwise thing to do. In that of course no place online is secure, why would I give this much information about myself? To people I have never met in person? Does anyone else ever feel like that?
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felicity
Felicity Lee
Felicity Lee

Re: Been down for the count 3-4 flashbacks a day

Post by felicity on 9/14/2017, 9:41 am

Oh, I don't just feel like that, but have felt the sting from sharing too much in public. It is, of course, your choice what you share, and you are not responsible for others' reactions to what you share - but, you do have to experience their responses. Which can be everything from competition (jealousy), anger, feeling threatened, wanting to exploit you, etc. And, you will never know 'whom' they are or why they 'attack' or harass. And, you can't take back what you share - ever - and, people 'do' judge. Sharing/advocating can feel pretty good at first, but most don't have the strength to handle the backlash for years to come - so to say. It is so difficult to understand how this will affect you - if you have none been there. People, like me, can tell others and tell others - and, they will share their stories/advocate anyhow - then, no one will listen to them when they try to warn. It is the oddest thing. I have just stopped warning ppl about safety on the net and elsewhere.

Advice on how to handle it - Know where you stand and dig your heels in. Don't expect others to support you - know most ppl are about 'themselves' and, not out to help others. Know that it is a huge world out there - and, getting away from online folks who are not really supportive is the best thing that you will ever do. Clarify whom, in the now, are harassing you. (it is easy to feel 'paranoid' - when you aren't). And, ppl will judge you as paranoid - only, because they are not living your life. It really hurts when friends and supporters mention that you are being paranoid. (We would never, ever make that judgement). Mostly, do not be 'afraid' - fear confuses and clouds your thinking.

We have been here as you have moved forward. We admire you and especially, advocating for your sister. Keep your sense of things on track and focus on your goal - don't change for anyone else. Don't question yourself. Try to stay in the 'now' and not focus on the past (a really hard thing to do, but keeps you stable).

I tell you this stuff from experience. I continue to struggle with ppl harassing and attacking. It has been some 13 years - Mostly, I can tell you that despite literally hundreds of threats on my life (through email and such), I have remained physically safe. I think that this is because I don't remove myself from the net (a huge mistake that ppl make), I don't post that I am having emotional or health problems (especially SU thoughts), I tell 'friends' how well I am doing always, I don't go to h anymore - just commonsense things that don't make me seem vulnerable. All of these things have made me feel safer, less vulnerable, etc -

Remember that ppl have their own agendas - you can't change how they act or what they do. You can only control your reactions to what 'they' do - Do not let anyone control what you do or think. Anyone trying to influence you has an agenda and should be totally feared - block them, ignore them.

I don't know exactly what is going on for you - I shared what I did about it, but can't share exactly what has happened to me - just to say that I never felt so alone - NO ONE listened to and/or believed me. Most still don't - I accept that.

We are here and listening - caring. You can talk here - without sharing your story - okay?



     

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Current date/time is 9/23/2017, 4:04 am